


your ghosts (my demons)

by Zari_x_Charlie (SuperSanversShipper)



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Help, Makeouts, Sadness, Sort Of, i can't write makeouts, if y'all pester me enough i'll post them too, lots of introspection, self-deprecating thoughts, there are some alternate endings, this is the angstiest possible ending, yelling at self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-10 23:35:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17435624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperSanversShipper/pseuds/Zari_x_Charlie
Summary: She waited another minute for any change to take place, despite the sinking feeling that told her nothing was going to happen.





	your ghosts (my demons)

**Author's Note:**

> there's two other, slightly less angsty endings to this. they kinda suck, so if you want me to post them, just yell at me in the comments and on my tumblr, @zarixcharlie

Charlie closed her eyes again, waiting for that familiar rush of magic through her bloodstream, for the gentle heat that accompanied her shapeshifting. She waited for the usual shimmering aura that coated her during a full-form shapeshift and for the comforting feeling of her skin clouding into a mist before reforming.

“ _Just a little longer and it’ll work. They’re not gone. They were there just two bloody weeks ago, my powers couldn’t have just disappeared into thin air. They’re just rebooting._ ”

Still no sign of any change. She could practically feel the pessimistic part of her mind raising an eyebrow at the more hopeful part.

“ _Sometimes rebooting a computer takes a bit,_ ” she defended to herself.

She waited another minute for any change to take place, despite the sinking feeling that told her nothing was going to happen.

“ _Don’t be a fuckin’ idiot. You knew they were gone and you let yourself hope. It’s your fucking fault you feel this way._ ”

She leaned onto the bathroom sink, eyes still closed to preserve her fantasy.

“ _No, it’s not. It’s not our fault. It’s fucking Constantine’s._ ”

Sara’s voice interrupted her train of thought, calling for all crew members to come to the bridge. She scowled to herself, shoving away from the sink and balling her hands into fists.

“ _Fuck you, Constantine_.”

* * * * *

She entered the bridge like a storm, loud and angry and nonsensical. Spotting the epicenter of her wrath, Charlie marched away from where Constantine stood at the console, to the wall that faced him. She leaned against the wall as Mick marched in from the door next to her, two beer bottles in hand. She grabbed one, popped it open, and took a swig, ignoring Mick’s affronted grunt.

“Ok, we all here?” Sara asked, glancing around the room.

Assorted grunts and one “You betcha, Captain!” answered.

“Good, because we’ve got a banshee wailing its way through the Byzantine empire,” the captain explained.

Charlie’s mouth twitched downward. She tipped the bottle back again, distractedly listening to Sara’s brief.

“ _All the way to Constantinople during Justinian, eh? With this lot? I’m not going to get any time to calm down and think about my powers, am I?_ ,” she thought.

“Well, let's get our costumes on” Sara finished, “and get bizarre with Byzantines!”

“I’m skipping,” Charlie said, as soon as Sara mentioned the costumes.

She took another, final swig of the beer, dumped the bottle in a rubbish bin, and marched out of the control room, ignoring Sara’s questions.

If she went with them, she knew, she would be put in a dress that suited Amaya, not her. She’d be put in a dress that would have made _Amaya_ look good because she was stuck in _Amaya’s_ skin. Because the first thing that the Legends’ old allies and enemies thought when they saw her was _Amaya_ , the fucking perfect little hero who always did the right thing, who was always helping everyone, who half the team seemed to be a little in love with, who was _always hovering around Charlie like a fucking ghost._

“ _But if she’s a ghost_ ,” Charlie considered, “ _then I’m a fucking zombie._ ”

She shook her head; it was an unpleasant thought that seemed to be lingering anywhere and everywhere that Amaya had influence.

“ _Maybe it’s unpleasant because it’s true…_ ”

Charlie scowled, focusing on the clanging that her boots made on the metal floor to drown out her thoughts.

_Clang._

She wished she had her powers back.

_Clang._

She wished she could just shift into a different form, even if it was just for a moment.

_Clang._

_Clang._

Charlie stopped when she heard another set of clanging footsteps. The steps were more frequent than hers, coming from behind, and some instinct told her to stop and turn. Her breath caught in her throat as Zari jogged in, gazes locking onto each other instantly.

Zari paused for a second before opening her mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by Charlie.

“Did Sara ask you to talk to me or something?” she asked, a little too defensively.

Zari shook her head, “No. I… uh… I was just kinda worried.” she shuffled her feet, blushing, “About you.”

“Oh,” Charlie didn’t know how to respond to the hacker, glancing down at her own feet, “I’m fine.”

“Right.”

Charlie looked up to see Zari raising an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. The two of them stayed in silence for a moment, gazing at each other again. 

“Um, you… uh, you mind if I walk with you?” Zari asked, suddenly.

Charlie started, glancing down at her feet, before glancing back up to meet Zari’s eyes.

“Shouldn’t you be out swashbucklin’ through the Byzantine Empire?” she asked.

“Oh, that,” Zari glanced away, “Well, you gave me an excuse to skip out. Thought I’d thank you while I was checking you out- checking on you. I meant checking on you.”

Red was a nice color on Zari, Charlie realized, watching a blush crawl up her throat. It was distracting, and she forgot to answer the hacker’s original question until she cleared her throat.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I guess,” she said, trying to make sure her gaze reached the hacker’s eyes instead of stopping at her lips.

Zari smiled a little, falling into step beside Charlie as she turned around and began to walk back towards her room. The silence between them was unusual, but not unwelcome, Charlie considered, as she took the opportunity to simply look at Zari. 

The hacker’s headphones were hanging off her neck, the white metal sharply contrasting her black leather jacket. Beneath the jacket was one of her many flannel shirts, and Charlie, yet again, acknowledged that red was a _very_ lovely color on her. Her gaze wandered back up to Zari’s face, and to Charlie’s shock, met her amused, blushing eyes.

“What?” the hacker asked, almost defensively.

“Nothing!” Charlie replied, “I was just… wondering how much flannel you have. I mean, I’ve only been here, what, a couple of months? And I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve seen you in flannel. Hell, I don’t think I’ve seen you wear the same flannel twice yet.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess I’ve got a lot of flannel,” Zari answered, glancing down at her shirt.

The conversation bled into silence again, as they continued to wander around the Waverider, no longer with a destination in mind. The only sounds were their footsteps and the humming of the Waverider’s engines. The lack of noise only made Zari’s next words all the more startling.

“Wanna see my flannel collection?”

“What?” Charlie asked, taken aback.

“My flannel collection. You wanna see it?” Zari responded.

“Your flannel collection,” Charlie answered flatly, unsure if Zari was serious or if the statement was a euphemism for sex.

“Yeah, my flannel collec- oh god, wait I just realized how weird that sounds,” Zari interrupted herself, face burning.

“No kidding, Z,” Charlie chuckled at the oblivious airbender, “but, sure. I’d love to see your flannel collection.”

Zari blushed even harder, nodding and looping her arm through the shapeshifter’s and dragging her to her quarters. Charlie, for her part, alternated between chuckling at the hacker’s expense and hyperfocusing on the feeling of Zari’s hand on her arm, her thoughts from earlier completely forgotten.

* * * * *

“Damn, I knew you had a lot, but…,” Charlie trailed off, looking at the forest of flannel before her.

“Yeah,” Zari answered, looking through her collection again.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear this one,” Charlie added, grabbing a hanger that held a green-and-black flannel on it.

“Oh, yeah. I meant to wear that one today, but I ended up wearing this,” the hacker motioned to her clothing.

The shapeshifter raised an eyebrow at her, silently asking for a reason.

“Well, I mean, I like that one and all, but this one’s my favorite,” Zari said, smiling down at the shirt she was wearing.

“I guess. But I bet I’d look _great_ in this,” she answered.

“If you want to try it, go ahead. I mean, as long as it’s the right size. If you rip it or something, Gideon won’t let me fabricate another one till next week,” Zari glanced at the shapeshifter.

Charlie looked at the hacker, confused. Zari blushed, gaze flickering down to her boots.

“Gideon has me on a one-flannel-a-week program,” Zari explained, glancing back up and grabbing the shirt from Charlie to smooth it out.

Charlie grinned teasingly and crossed her arms over her chest, “I knew you liked flannel, but bloody hell, Z. You’ve got Gideon staging an intervention.”

“It’s not an intervention!” Zari growled out, flustering, “It’s just- you know what? Weren’t you going to try this shirt on?”

The hacker aggressively motioned towards the shirt draped over her arm, the bright red flush spreading from her cheeks into her neck. Charlie’s grin grew.

“Well, I was… but it’s so much fun teasing you,” she answered.

“Ugh, just take your shirt off,” Zari retorted, throwing the flannel at the shapeshifter.

“You’re saying one thing and doin’ another, love,” Charlie’s grin grew impossibly wide, as she caught the bundle, “but it’s nice to know you’d like to see me with my shirt off.”

“Wait, no, not like- I mean, yes- but still,” the hacker groaned into her hands, as they covered her bright red face, “screw you”

“Ooh, did I hear a yes?” Charlie spread her arms, smirk fixed firmly onto her face, issuing a silent challenge that she knew Zari wouldn’t refuse.

The hacker looked up and took a deep breath in, before straightening her back and marching up to the cocky shapeshifter, clearly accepting the challenge. She stopped just inches in front of Charlie, who suddenly looked nervous. 

She dropped her voice into a low whisper, leaning forward until her lips barely brushed the shell of the shapeshifter’s ear, “You’re right, you know. I wouldn’t mind seeing you… shirtless.”

Charlie shivered at the tone, leaning towards Zari. Zari took in another deep breath, trying to ignore the blood rushing in her ears.

“In fact,” Zari continued, moving to trail her hand up the shapeshifter’s side, “I wouldn’t mind seeing you without… other things as well.”

Charlie’s breath hitched in her throat, her own hands flickering up to Zari’s hand as it traced nonsensical patterns along her bare collarbones. Zari’s other hand lightly skimmed Charlie’s side, before coming to rest on her hip.

“Wouldn’t you?” Charlie asked, eyes glued below Zari’s.

Charlie gently placed her hands on the hacker’s waist, drawing them closer to each other until there was only a hair’s width of space between them. The hand that Zari had placed on Charlie’s collarbone traced up her throat, before resting along the shapeshifter’s jaw.

“No,” the hacker answered, eyes on Charlie’s lips, bright red with lipstick.

Zari leaned in, tentatively brushing their lips together. The shapeshifter tensed, not reciprocating and the airbender froze, wondering if she had made a mistake.

“ _You idiot!_ ” Zari yelled at herself, pulling away, “ _You fucking idiot, she was just joking, shit, shit, shit._ ”

She dropped her hands from the shapeshifter’s jaw and hip, eyes burning. It was something she should have seen coming. After all, Charlie was just joking. It didn’t _actually_ mean anything.

“ _And now you’ve made it awkward. Just when you were starting to get along. Great job, you fucking genius_ ,” her mind hissed.

Zari blinked against the tears in her eyes, dropping her hands to her own waist to unclench the shapeshifter’s fingers. Charlie, however, resisted, tightening her grip on the hacker.

“ _Why…_ ” Zari looked back up, confused.

“Wait,” Charlie whispered into the uncanny silence between them.

Zari searched the shapeshifter’s face with her eyes, hands still resting on Charlie’s. The shapeshifter took a deep breath, before leaning in and kissing her. 

The first kiss had been like walking into a dark room on a dare: terrifying filled with the false bravado and uncertainty that came with not knowing what would happen. The second kiss, in contrast, was walking outside on a sunny summer day, bright and hot and bursting into life.

Zari moaned as the other woman’s tongue traced her lips, begging for entrance. She granted it, burying a hand in her hair. Their tongues battled for dominance, scraping against teeth and dancing around each other. Charlie wrapped her arms more firmly around Zari’s waist, tugging her closer until their bodies almost melded together.

The hacker broke the kiss to gasp in a few precious lungfuls of air, before continuing. Charlie’s hands flew up to the top button of Zari’s shirt, quickly popping it open.

Zari broke the kiss again to breathily tug the other woman to the bed.

* * * * *

Charlie woke up when the arms around her drew away, leaving her in the cold. She whined at the loss of warmth, turning around to try and recapture it. Her hands found skin, and she pulled the body closer to herself. 

A familiar voice mumbled out, “Amaya… no… you’re cold.”

Charlie stiffened, the mention of Amaya’s name acting as a shot of caffeine. She pulled her arms back to herself, pushing herself into a sitting position and looking at Zari. The hacker still seemed to be asleep, only slightly disturbed by her movement. The shapeshifter let out a slow shaky breath, eyes still on Zari and legs hanging over the side of the bed.

“Z?” she whispered, her voice just low enough to hide her accent.

“‘maya…,” Zari mumbled, snuggling closer into the blanket and pillows.

And there it was again. Charlie leaned forward, taking the weight off her shaking arms, and ran a hand through her mussed curls. The thought that this, them kissing and making out and fucking, was a mistake ran through her head, prompting another quiet curse. 

“ _I need to get out of here._ ”

She got out of the bed quietly and gathered her clothes from the floor. Slipping everything on, she looked back at Zari’s unconscious figure.

“ _Goddamnit, Zari._ ”

Tearing her eyes away from the sleeping hacker, she turned toward the door, her hands clenched into fists. It opened as she walked toward it, and even the quiet _whoosh_ that it produced seemed loud in the fragile, oppressive silence.

She stood outside the open door for a second, nails digging into her palms and furious tears blurring her vision. She took a deep breath and shook her head, turning and marching towards her own room.

The door didn’t close fast enough to stop Amaya Jiwe’s ghost from following her.

**Author's Note:**

> so, can you tell i've never made out with anyone before?
> 
> anyway, yell at me on my tumblr @zarixcharlie and in the comments if you guys wanna see the the alt endings


End file.
